After five months of retirement I started to look around for
something to useful to do. A lady from my church gave me the telephone number
of an organisation that visits the elderly so I decided to give that a try. I
rang and made an appointment and was told about the need for a police clearance
and the other paper work involved. I expected the police clearance; you can do
very little without one these days but I did not really expect there to be as
much paper work as there was. I told them that I thought I would like to visit
someone who was house bound, to do their shopping or just sit and chat to them
but as it worked out they could not give me that kind of task as I actually
live in the Wyong Shire and they only operate that kind of service in the Gosford
Shire. I could not understand why I was not allowed to drive the half a
kilometre that it would take to get me into the Gosford Shire and visit someone
there but you know these places, rules are rules. She told me that she could
arrange for me to visit someone in a nursing home in the Wyong Shire instead.
The first time I went to visit her the staff were busy in
her room. She shares a room with three other ladies and I think that they were being
wash or changed or something pretty private and I was not allowed into the
room. I was asked if I could wait in the Craft Room at the end of the corridor.
In the Craft room there were eight elderly ladies sitting around a table, three
of whom had some knitting in their hands. They were having a very lively
conversation. They told me that they were talking about the “Good Old Days” and
one of them informed me that they often talked about that as not a lot happened
to them these days so they had to fall back on the Good Old Days. One lady said
“Do you remember when we always wore a hat and gloves when we went to town?”
Another asked “Do you remember when we needed suspenders to hold up our
stocking?” Another chipped in “And we had seams in the back of our nylons that
we had to get straight”. They laughed and joked with each other and remembered, refunds on cool drink bottles, going to the
cinema for 3 pence, Shirley Temple, Errol Flynn and days without television,
mobile phones and computers. One of them told me “I think we have the same
conversation every day, but that’s fine as none of us can remember what we talked
about yesterday” She was joking I’m sure as they all seemed pretty ‘with it’ to
me.
One of the staff wheeled in another old dear and placed her
wheel chair in the circle but she got very cross and shouted “I don’t want to
be here, I can’t stay, I have to go home, I don’t have the time to waste”. The
staff member soothed her with “No, that is only this afternoon, you have plenty
of time”, left her and went out. As I was a new face the she latched on to me
and proceeded to tell me how uncaring and lazy all the staff were, then she
bent down and turned back the foot rests on her wheel chair put her feet on the
ground and started to ‘walk’ herself towards the door. I was a little concerned
and asked one of the jolly bunch if that was all right and she told me that she
did that every day and that she was quite safe as she would not be able to
leave the building as one needed to have a special code to get out.
I suppose that one’s level of dementia would affect how you
were able to deal with life in a nursing home but It was sad to see the one old
lady cross, unhappy and complaining when she could have been like the Craft
group who were just making the most of their situation and having a good time.
I just hope that I will remember that if I ever have to go into a nursing home.
Eventually I was allowed into the ward to visit Mrs W. and
had to explain to her who I was and why I was there as she had forgotten all
about me. She was pleased to see get a visitor though and we chatted about her
past and I told her a little about myself. She told me that she liked music and
we reminisced about all the old musicals. She had loved Rosemarie, Carousel,
South Pacific, Oklahoma and the Sound of Music. I offered to lend her my DVDs
of these oldies but she declined as she said it made her cry to listen to them.
She seemed a lively lady with an active mind but obviously a bit forgetful and
muddled as the dates and times in her stories did not quite seem possible but
at 86 that was understandable. She cried when I left and I felt bad at not
being able to spend more time with her.
When I called in again the following week she had once again
forgotten who I was and told the nurse who happened to be with her when I
arrived that she did not know who I was and that she was scared. The nurse assured
her I was a friend and that I had just come for a little chat so she calmed
down and we chatted for about an hour and I helped her with her food when her
lunch arrived. When it was time for me to leave she cried again. I am finding
the whole process a little daunting and am not sure that I will continue with
these visits. I spoke to the therapist and told her that I thought I might be
happier visiting a house bound client who was really lonely, maybe doing her
shopping and a few light chores for her. The therapist assured me that there
were people in the nursing home who were very lonely, who never got a visit and
who would welcome me. She assured me that she did not want to pressure me and
that I should give it some thought.
Yes I am going to have to give it all a bit of thought. I do
want to do some volunteer work but I don’t think
I have found my niche yet.
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